Learn to love yourself
“Self-love, self-esteem, self-worth: there’s a reason they all start with “self. You can’t find them in anyone else. “
Let me tell you a story:
It
was 20 years ago and one of those nights. I was in a busy bar in Vienna, having fun and enjoying myself. Until I met a woman and after a while she asked me: “So, what do you do? “
Within a few seconds my fun, happy side disappeared and a man full of doubt and insecurity emerged. The truth was…I had no idea what I was doing! I had just quit my job and was now on a journey to figure out what I really wanted to do in life.
This question made me feel naked and exposed. Because I didn’t have a job title. (Unless “I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing-with-my-life” works?) I had nothing to “prove” my worth to the outside world.
I’ve always been pretty self-confident. I never had a problem saying “yes” to things like accepting job offers abroad and getting involved in challenging positions and projects. Of course, I’ve had moments of doubt, but even when I’ve doubted myself, I’ve always said “yes” and found a solution one way or another.
Up until that moment in the bar, I had (unconsciously, of course) proven my worth through my accomplishments. I had thought of myself as someone who valued myself, regardless of job title, relationship status, or bank account balance.
But when I left my job and other external things fell apart, so did my value. At least, that’s how it felt.
In short, I had confused self-confidence with self-esteem. Oops!
What I mean by that is this:
Self-confidence means that you trust yourself and your abilities. For example, you can be confident in one area, like cooking, dancing, or communicating, but be insecure in another area, like dancing or public speaking.
Self-esteem, on the other hand, is about how you see yourself. It’s about how you assess your worth. No matter what happens externally, do you treat yourself with love, care and respect or not?
As a competitive athlete, it’s easy to deceive yourself and think you have self-esteem. I mean, as long as you perform and do well, you’re fine, right?
Yeah, until you don’t. That’s when the shit hits the fan
…
When I realized that I saw myself as less valuable, cool, and interesting because of my external circumstances, I decided that wasn’t good enough for me. And it shouldn’t be good enough for you either, if you’re reading this. As the saying goes, the biggest mishaps often become the biggest breakthroughs.
So I set to work. This time not to prove my worth, but by practicing self-love. And what I discovered along the way, I’d like to share with you now:
1. Focus on being someone who lovesIf
you don
‘t love yourself, it’s hard to become someone who does. Just as you build muscle, b
self-love also requires constant training.
Focus on being someone who loves. That is, let love flow through you as often as possible. Focus on what you love about certain people around you. Focus on what you appreciate about life while you are shopping, sitting in a meeting, or talking to someone, for example. Tune your body to positive emotions by finding as many things as possible that you love and appreciate.
2. tune in to what it looks and feels like to be loved.
It’s easy to be loving toward ourselves when things are going as planned. When we’re succeeding and people like us. Not so much when things go wrong, we mess up or get rejected. When we are struggling the most, we are usually the hardest on ourselves.
In those moments, ask yourself how someone who loves you very much would act. What would he say? What would they do? How would they act? Chances are, you wouldn’t be criticized, judged, or called names. I think you would be shown kindness, compassion and acceptance. If you can’t think of a specific person, imagine what the most loving person on the planet would be like to you. And then try to act that way towards yourself.
3. stop comparing yourself
Comparisons are a killer for self-love. And we’re not usually very considerate when it comes to comparisons, are we? Instead, we take our greatest weaknesses and compare them to someone else’s greatest success. In short, you’re doomed to fail.
Instead, realize that you can’t compare your life to someone else’s because no matter how well you know them, you’ll never know how they feel or how they perceive their life. Instead, spend your time and energy nurturing and growing your path.
Take small steps to create the life you long for.
Desires are powerful. Taking action to make those dreams come true means you are honoring yourself and taking care of yourself. By taking action every day, you are signaling that you are worthy of living the life you desire.
It doesn’t have to be big deeds – just small and consistent steps in the direction that trigger joy, caring or satisfaction. In doing so, you show that you respect and honor your dreams and, in turn, yourself. Has there ever been a better time than now to do this?
5. ask your inner guidance system for help
Focus on how your feelings are guiding you. If you feel good, it means your thoughts are in line with what your soul/inner self thinks about you. If you feel bad, it’s a sign that you need to change perspective.
If you think a thought like “I am [something you don’t like about yourself],” how does that feel? Probably not so good, right? Then that’s a sign to think a different thought. Try replacing that thought with something nicer. For example, “I’m so lost and confused” can be replaced with “I’m doing my best to move forward.ommen” should be replaced. 6.
6. Surround yourself with people who are good for you.
Yes, this is a really important point! You may have heard the famous quote, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Think about who those people are right now. Do they inspire you, support you, and really want the best for you?
Just because you are friends doesn’t necessarily mean you spend time together. Just because you temporarily break up with someone doesn’t mean you won’t get close again. Be selective about who you spend your time with – don’t give it away out of charity. Be honest with yourself and with the other person. Be there because you want to be. Otherwise, don’t.
7. be compassionate when the shit hits the fan.
So many of us (myself included) tend to put ourselves down when we need our love the most. When we fail or mess up or when someone rejects us, we often beat ourselves up even more. Hitting someone when they’re down sounds fair? Um, no.
Instead, choose to be loving and forgiving with yourself when things don’t go as planned. When you stumble and fall. When you say the wrong things. When someone rejects you or a project in your life fails. Ask yourself what you need in that moment, and then deal with it.
8. make room for habits that are good for you
YES! Start to really take care of yourself by reflecting that in what you eat, how you move, and what you spend your time doing. Do something not to “get it done or because you have to” but because you genuinely care about yourself.
Don’t feel like going to the gym? Then just go for a walk and observe nature. You don’t feel like reading a book? Then relax and listen to a good podcast. Create habits that are not only mentally healthy, but emotionally healthy as well.
9. Give yourself some “carefree time.”
Are you ready for a really great tip? If so, get excited. A very effective technique I recently discovered is called “the worry-free week.” Think about how much of your worry is actually useful. Sure, a small portion of your worries have a purpose because they give us a little nudge when we need to get our act together and take action.
But my guess is that 90% of your worries are useless. Whenever that 90 percent comes to mind, tell yourself, “Thanks, but I’ll take care of that next week.” By telling your mind that you will deal with it some other time (and also saying when), you minimize the nurturing of your negative thoughts, thus reducing their momentum.
10. accept what you cannot love
This was perhaps the biggest turning point for me. Because let’s face it, it’s easy to love what you love about yourself, and not so easy when it comes to the things you don’t love. So instead of worrying about those unloved things, focus on accepting them.
One thing I’ve struggled with is that sometimes, for no real reason, I get very annoying
s can become difficult. Simple things, can suddenly feel very difficult. But instead of rejecting or trying to love this nervous side of me, I have chosen to accept it. When a situation like that comes up, I think to myself something like, “It’s okay, I can be nervous about having this appointment today.
You don’t
have to love everything about yourself to develop self-love
.
All you need is acceptance. The next time something happens that makes you criticize yourself, think of it as practice. Learn to accept life for what it is.
“Take care of the world by taking care of yourself”
Life is full of ups and downs. Health can turn into sickness. Successes can turn into breakdowns. Romantic love can turn to coldness. But no matter what happens around you, you can always hold on to that inner foundation based on self-love.
Self-love is not a luxury. It is a necessity in today’s society. So start using some of the above practices, and above all, have compassion for yourself when things go wrong. Then just get yourself back on track and start over. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect.
Want to raise your profile?
Are you in the start-up phase as a blogger, author, coach or trainer? Then now is your chance to publish your content on hafawo! If you are interested, please just drop us a line under “Contact” and we will get back to you with the details. Thank you very much!
NewsletterFrom now on you
can receive the most popular and latest articles monthly by simply subscribing to our newsletter.
…
Continue reading: https://www.hafawo.at/selbstmanagement-motivation/sei-gut-zu-dir-selbst-10-kraftvolle-wege-selbstliebe-zu-praktizieren/